The Fairy Tale of Fail
by Princess Procrastination
Summary: When a bunch of suitors turn up on your doorstep what's a gender-confused princess to do. SasuNaru. Implied GaaNeji and Pedo!Oro  CRACK! You have been warned.


(A/N: yet another Naruto fic just pure stupidness a hopefully better version of Fairytale Naruto Style)

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Once upon a time in a far away kingdom lived a princess called Sasuke, now Sasuke was you're ordinary princess because Sasuke was a guy...probably. He lived with his (or her we really don't know) brother who was called Itachi. For a while now Itachi was trying to get the ice princess married off.

It hadn't been going well.

It hadn't been going well at all.

He had got Sasuke engaged to Gaara the sand prince by bribing him/her/it with tomatoes but the country could simply not spare the vast amounts of tomatoes that Sasuke was asking for. They couldn't grow that many it was physically impossible.

Meanwhile while Itachi was debating whether his people could survive another Sasuke induced tomato famine Sasuke was in his/her... (Okay am I the only one annoyed with this let's call Sasuke an it and get it over with). Let's start this again Sasuke was in IT'S room when IT heard a patter on IT'S window.

Looking out Sasuke a boy dressed in a green jumpsuit and orange leg warmers with a bowl haircut. (guess who that is.)

"Sasuke my prince...ess. I am Lee the Prince of the Youthfulness, the Prince of the Leaf! I have come to propose to you, in the springtime of youth!"

"Why did you pause saying princess?"

"Sasuke my youthful prince...ess, I did not pause."

"There it was again, if I wasn't gender confused enough already you decide to question the fact I'm a princess. Thank you so much Mr. doesn't understand the meaning of get a haircut and pluck your eyebrows."

"But... Sasuke."

"That's it leave I get enough creepy guys around here."

Lee walked away dejected before realizing that giving up was not a youthful thing to do and decided to run around the castle 1000 times to revitalise before trying again.

Sasuke sat down sighing before decided to get on with IT'S homework if he didn't finish it by tomorrow Orochimaru would _punish _him again. Sasuke shuddered.

Then he heard another knock at the window looking over Sasuke saw Gaara.

"Um... why are you at my window?"

"Sasuke please take me back."

"But I haven't broken up with you yet."

"Then who sent this."

He played back a voice message on his phone and out came Sasuke's voice.

"Gaara it's not me it's you. Goodbye forever."

Sasuke frowned " How could you mistake that with me, I mean yeah it was my voice but it's not me it's you what kind of vain, narcissistic..."

"I sent the message" came a voice from below.

Sasuke looked down to seen a man riding on a black, white and ...flat? horse.

The unknown man climbed the sand pillar and turned to face Sasuke looked straight into IT'S eyes and said "Sasuke marry me."

"Um..."

"I have searched high and low to find someone as beautiful as me and here you are my princess."

He kissed IT'S hand. Sasuke yanked it away, disgusted. "Who in their right mind would marry a belly dancing doppelganger of themselves, I mean come on! Look at you."

IT turned to the previously forgotten Gaara.

"Gaara even though the message was a fake I do break up with you, could you take this" IT pointed to Sai (whose name hasn't been mentioned yet) "with you".

Sasuke watched as Gaara nodded and left. Sasuke put IT'S head in IT'S hands IT couldn't go on for much longer, it wasn't every day 2 creepy princes and a belly dancer came knocking at your window.

Then in the distance he spotted another prince who arrived on a giant fox grinning. "Sorry I'm late your highness I had to go fetch a little something" then from behind his back pulled a large sack of tomatoes.

Sasuke instantly fell in love with him. IT smirked.

"And what is your name prince?"

"Naruto the Fire Prince"

"And what are you here for?"

"I came to propose."

Then getting down on one knee he looked IT in the eye and said "Will you marry me?"

"Yes I will"

Because after all the way to a shemale's heart is through IT'S stomach.

THE END

Epilogue Itachi mourned the loss of his brother/sister/ lord knows what else so much he left to join a circus called Akatsuki.

Gaara got unhappily married to Sakura then divorced before meeting his current husband Neji.

Orochimaru upset that Sasuke had left to torture... I mean tutor other little boys.

Sai's belly dancing career skyrocketed when Sasuke got married as he did belly dancing for unhappy fan girls.

Side Story

Lee finally finished his laps of love and decided to go back to Sasuke after a trip to the hair dressers. But instead of meeting the ice princess at the window he met a distraught Itachi who was creeped out by the sight of a bald, eyebrowless, jumpsuitless (i.e. naked) Lee at his gender confused siblings window and promptly sent the guards to kick him out.

The REAL End

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Click the button below tell me if you loved it, hated it or wanted to kill whatever author came up with this disturbing fic (BTW anyone who says this gets free mind soap!)


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